i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
please don't ironically join a cult
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