It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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