I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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