so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize