And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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