Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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