one two three fourrrrnication!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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