Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
