I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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