i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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