Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
