i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
