He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
