Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
