Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
