I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
