is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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