Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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