ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
