It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
