Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
