I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
