forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
