please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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