My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize