And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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