This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
