it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
