I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
