The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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