everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize