She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
