i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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