i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
