Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
