I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
