Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
