She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize