I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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