I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
