I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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