i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
