Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
