i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize