He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
