Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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