Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
