I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
