I met the friendliest cop last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
