Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
