At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
