how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
