it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
