im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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