bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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