I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize