it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
