Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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