So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
