Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
