3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
