Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
