So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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