I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
