how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
