My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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