Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
