The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
