the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
