i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are we still banned from the library?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
