I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my liver is dry heaving
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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