I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
