you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
