Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
