My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
