The best revenge is premature balding
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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