Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
