This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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