Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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